


Delayed Apology

by Awesome_Sauce432



Series: Post Episode Fun Times [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Apologising, Friendship, Gen, In This House We Love And Appreciate Beauregard, Nott Realises She Fucked Up A While Back, Post-Near Death Experience, no editing we die like men, post episode 50, what I wish would happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 11:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17621378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: After being quite literally pulled from the flames, Nott has some thinking to do. Specifically, some thinking regarding some things she said to the person who pulled her from those flames.





	Delayed Apology

The Mighty Nein staggered to stop after what felt like hours of running until they were absolutely certain that the fire giants couldn’t follow. Even then, Caleb set up his hut and camouflaged it and everyone fell to the ground inside, catching their breath and sidling up close to one another.

 

Nott and everyone else who had been badly injured were practically smothered in healing spells, everything Jester and Caduceus could dole out before they ran out of spells, but it was enough to stop the bleeding, to heal up most of the burns. Nott’s clothes were still half burnt away, and her hair was now awkwardly asymmetrical and there was a distinct scent of burnt flesh that followed her around even though no one pointed it out. 

 

But she was alive, and they were all alive and holy  _ fuck  _ that had been close. 

 

They fell asleep one by one in an awkward pile, bedrolls more or less forgotten as the adrenaline wore off and exhaustion set in. Nott found herself one of the last still awake. She hardly felt tired at all, in fact. Her fingers were trembling and it was like there was electricity running along her skin, the phantom reminders of the fire that had engulfed her. 

 

She could’ve died. If it hadn’t been for her ring of water walking, if it hadn’t been for Beau pulling her out… she could’ve died.  _ Would’ve _ died. The realization sent a shiver down her spine. She’d been unconscious before, she’d been in bad situations before, she’d  _ died  _ before. But the intensity of each near-death or actual-death experience never faded. No matter how many times it happened, it always felt terrible. 

 

Just about everyone else was asleep by now. Everyone… except for Beau. 

 

The monk was sitting cross-legged with her quarterstaff in her lap, her hands idly untying and retying some ribbons that had been attached to it. She wasn’t looking down at the quarterstaff though. Instead, her gaze was fixated firmly at some point outside the safety of the hut, down the tunnel they’d just raced through. Her eyes were half-lidded and her head nodded up and down every now and then, fighting sleep and refusing to give in. 

 

Nott glanced down at Beau’s hands and arms. They were blistered and burned, mostly covered up by brand new wrapping that Beau had had on her (the old ones having been burned beyond saving) but still visible. She hadn’t gotten any of the last round of healing that Jester and Caduceus had gone through. Insisted she’d be fine. 

 

Nott’s own arms and hands were completely healed now. Hardly a trace of what had happened to her. After a few moments of allowing the peaceful silence in the hut to continue, Nott quietly began to shuffle over next to Beau. She flinched when Nott sat down, her hands gripping onto her quarterstaff and her head whipping around to look at her, before relaxing when she saw who it was.

 

“Oh.” Beau murmured, settling back into her previous position, now leaving the ribbons on her quarterstaff alone and folding her arms up, conveniently hiding the blisters and burns from view. 

 

“Are you going to sleep?” Nott asked. She didn’t know what she wanted to say here. But she had to say something. 

 

“Yeah, eventually.” 

 

“So that’s a no?” Nott asked, not backing down when Beau glanced down at her. This felt like a familiar conversation, in a way. Months ago, in the days after Molly had died, Nott remembered waking up more than once to find Beau still awake and on watch even though they had the hut, staring out into the darkness and waiting for… something. 

 

Beau always said she’d go to sleep eventually. And she did, but rarely for long enough. As time went on and they left the Iron Shepherds behind, Nott was pretty sure Beau began sleeping better again, if only by a little. 

 

Beau answered Nott’s question with a very vague shrug, and Nott exhaled slowly, letting silence fill the air once again for a short time. It had been a long day. Lots of talking was just exhausting, and Nott was beginning to feel her energy fade away as well. But she wanted to say something, and with everyone else asleep, this might be her only chance for a while to say it. 

 

“Thank you.” She finally mumbled. “For… you know.” 

 

She tried not to look down at Beau’s arms and instead pulled her cloak around her, looking out into the darkness of the tunnel like Beau. Jester had mended the cloak for her as best she could, so it was mostly intact and quite warm.

 

“Not like I could just let you burn.” Beau’s voice was subdued, which said more about her current exhaustion than anything else. 

 

“Yeah, but it hurt you too. And if you weren’t so quick, the fire giant could’ve gotten you.” 

 

There was a short pause before Beau responded. “I guess.”

 

“So… thanks.” Nott almost stumbled over the words, and it was odd, because she wasn’t exactly a stranger to saying thank you. But she didn’t say it to Beau very often. “And I’m sorry you got hurt.”

 

“It happens. I’m fine.” Beau shifted her arms again, hunching over a little more. “I’ll be good by morning.”

 

“Still.” There was an unsettling feeling in Nott’s gut like something was off, but she couldn’t begin to figure out what. “You ran right out and got me. If it hadn’t have been for you...” 

 

“One of the others probably woulda done it if I hadn’t,” Beau mumbled. 

 

But the others weren’t as fast as Beau. Old conversations from days, weeks, ago, flashed in Nott’s mind. The unsettling sensation in Nott’s stomach shifted into guilt at the memories, flipping over and over. 

 

“You didn’t hesitate. You saved me.” Her words felt hollow, and she was suddenly realising why. “I said you ruined everything.” 

 

Beau stiffened up and she looked down at Nott, confusion written on her face. “What?”

 

“At the tower. I said you ruined every situation you found yourself in and you were abrasive and hard to talk to.” 

 

Beau shifted uncomfortably, her eyes shifting over to the others for a few moments before landing back on Nott. “Why… why are you bringing that up now?”

 

“Because I was wrong. And it was stupid to say in the first place.” Nott grimaced. She’d only been trying to get Caduceus to take Caleb into the tower, not Beau. She hadn’t been thinking. But now she was thinking, and she didn’t like what she saw. 

 

Beau didn’t say anything in response to that, just looking down at the ground like she wasn’t sure if Nott was telling the truth or not. 

 

“I said that for no reason and you still saved me. You didn’t hesitate at all.”

 

“You’re my friend, I’m not gonna let a dumb insult stop me from saving your life.” Beau hunched her shoulders, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, and Nott couldn’t help but wonder if she was telling the truth. If Beau really considered it just a dumb insult. She couldn’t tell for sure. 

 

“I’m sorry for saying it anyway.” Nott winced. “It was a lie.”

 

“Okay.” Beau sounded slightly detached, distant. The way she did when she was talking to someone she was asking questions to when that person was trying to wheedle their way out of giving up any actual information. I don’t believe you, that voice said. I’ve been burned too many times to believe you, that voice said. 

 

“You proved me wrong anyway.” Nott continued, the words mostly falling out of her mouth at this point. “You got Yussa to listen to us. You got the Plank king to listen to us, you stopped Avantika from lying her way out of it, you stood in front of a hydra and fought it while we were all hanging back… you pulled me out of a fucking river of lava.”

 

There was another silence, long and heavy while Nott tried to get her tongue to form the right words and Beau just sat there, listening. 

 

“You make things better. You’ve been making things better for a while.” Was all she could manage, shuffling a little closer to Beau and leaning against her, hoping it didn’t hurt her burns. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I’m sorry it took you saving my life.” 

 

Nott’s words hung there in the air for a while, Beau sitting stock still, her fingers fiddling with each other. She was quiet for a long time, and it probably felt a lot longer than it actually was, but Nott held her breath all the same. 

 

“Thanks.” Beau finally whispered, her voice wavering just a little. Not like she’d ever admit it, though. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeet it's past midnight and u know what that meeeeaaaannnnssss MY BRAiN IS GOIN WILD YEET
> 
> look ive been upset about what nott said to beau at the tower for A WHILE basically since it happened and IVE WaNTEd Nott TO APOLOGISE FOR SO LONG AND NOW IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
> 
> DO SOME SOUL SEARCHING YOU FUNKY LITTLE GOBLIN APPRECIATE MY FAVOURITE MONK anyway i loved episode 50 it was so fun also i did not edit this at all i am tired i sleep now


End file.
